Have you ever found yourself dealing with the same issues in your relationships, over and over again? Different person, same results?
This blog will provide you with insight as to why you find yourself in similar relationships that don’t serve you and why you repeat certain patterns in relationships.
Repetition Compulsion
Repetition Compulsion, also known as trauma re-enactment, is when you repeat past traumas that you’ve either witnessed or directly experienced. Sometimes you might not be aware that you are repeating past traumas. On the other hand, you might be aware that you are repeating past traumas and still continue to engage in repeating these patterns as a way to subconsciously attempt to “fix” the situation, get closure, or get it right this time around.
An example of repetition compulsion is when someone who was raised by an emotionally distant parent, whose needs were not consistently met, seeks out relationships with people who are also emotionally distant and unable to meet their needs.
Repetition compulsion is a learned response that may lead you to seek out people that may not be the best match for you but you may be drawn to them because your experience with that person feels familiar.
Changing Unhealthy Relationship Patterns
The truth of the matter is that change is hard; it takes a lot of courage to leave your comfort zone, a place that your body identifies as comfortable and familiar, to embark in new territory. In order to prevent these relationship patterns from continuing, you need to be intentional about your decisions and also be patient with yourself because lasting change takes time.
Therapy can help you to heal from past trauma wounds and equip you with tools needed to break the cycle of unhealthy relationship patterns.
Your previous relationships, traumas and past decisions do not have to be the determining factor for how you navigate relationships moving forward. You can write a whole new narrative about who you are, how you behave and what you choose to accept in relationships. The choice is yours. Understand it takes time and a lot of intentional practice to rewrite your story. You can do it and you’re deserving of experiencing a healthy relationship that not only feels good but also feels safe.
Meet The Author
Meet The Author
Charnel Ewen-Lewis is the founder of Ontario Mental Health Therapy. As a Registered Psychotherapist, she specializes in working with couples and adult populations.
